Stereo Hearts

“Furthermore, I apologize for any skipping tracks, it’s just the last girl that played me left a couple cracks. I used to, used to, used to, used to, now I’m over that. Cause holding grudges over love is ancient artifacts.”

Stereo Hearts, Gym Class Heroes

We were young and stupid. I was 14 and he was 18. We fooled around like young kittens and called that a relationship; we would hide in my bedroom and make out for hours then jerk off and call that sex. We didn’t know better; and I’m not so sure if, at that time and age in a locked down Syria, we had the chance to know if there was such a thing as better.
We loved each other the way we knew best; we spend hours on the phone and meet after school (far away from other school boys) to walk together.
On Valentine’s Day 1999, he got me a mixtape.
He recorded it himself; picking up Arabic songs that were popular at the time. I remember that some of the songs didn’t fit with others; from sappy ballads talking about lost lovers to happy club dance songs talking about meeting the lover and his beautiful eyes; to traditional Fairouz songs.
It was my first Valentine’s gift; and I loved it.

Valentine’s day 2003 was the only valentine I had with Eyad. Our relationship, and while it’s the most influenced in my life, didn’t last for more that a little over a year. We met in the late spring of 2002; then he passed away in the early winter in 2003. Most of the good memories I remember from our relationship is how summer-y it was; how filled with light; with hang outs and summer camping; with topless nights around a fire on the beach.

On Valentine’s 2003; Eyad asked me to leave the house. “I’m preparing a valentine’s gift for you,” he said while pushing me outside, “Sarah is waiting for you downstairs, she knows when she is bringing you back home.” No matter how hard I tried to force Sarah to speak, she kept her mouth shut. She didn’t tell me what is going on in my own house. I knew Eyad asked my mother, with his cool attitude and sweet talking skills, to leave us the house for the night; I knew there was a surprise waiting for me. I just didn’t know what would it be.
As I entered the house, expecting anything, really, from a horse waiting for me in the living room to Eyad dressed up as Brad Pitt in Interview with a Vampire, I felt the warmth. The house was so warm, so lit with millions of candles everywhere; no lights other than the sweet and surrounding light of candles. All over the house; on the stairs to the bed room; on the table and in front of windows.
In the corner stood Eyad; he was topless, he carried a bottle of wine in his right hand and two glasses in his left. He was smiling his unforgettable smile; I just felt so lucky, so happy, all this beauty is mine to keep. All this beauty revolves around a personality that is madly in love with me; silly, ordinary, normal me. I felt so blessed.

That night we had our first hard sex ever; we both were “virgins” at the time and we never had sexual intercourse before. It was a peaceful and beautiful experience; it felt good to finally be one body; after we have been one soul since we were born.
I’ll never forget that night; the night Eyad and I became really one.

On Valentine’s 2010, Ray took me to Istanbul. We have been together for almost two years at the time. We were happy, or so it seems. We arrived at the airport early in the morning; I was excited to be in Istanbul again. A city that I visited long ago when I was a child.
I remember how the city made me feel; so fresh, so beautiful, so rainy and so cozy. Between the long walks in the old city of Istanbul, the drunken late night strolls in Istiklal Street, the night clubs and the amazing food; I got lost in the city in a way no other city made me feel ever before.
Before traveling back to Egypt, Ray took me on a long boat ride to the black sea. We stood on top of a mountain overlooking the black sea and both the continent of Asia and that of Europe. I felt like I was becoming eternal and extremely proud of the boy I love; all the doubts I had about our relationship vanished that day. I hugged him and took a photo; one of these photos that shows nothing but our too-near faces.
I still love that photo; despite the fact that we broke up eight months later.

Valentine 2011 I spent it alone.

Valentine 2012 I prepared for the best gift of my life to someone I met two weeks earlier. I just wanted to celebrate the event: I wasn’t in love or anything. I got him a treasure box; filled with roses and little tidy bears; and between them lays an expensive and classy gift.
He took them; and then told me that we better be just friends. I didn’t want anything but the illusion of love; and he ruined it.
I asked him to go to bed and sleep. When he asked me what I’ll do alone I pointed out the bottle of Whiskey on the table.

PS; I know that Valentine was two weeks ago but I’m not the themed blogger I used to be, so, happy belated Valentine.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. speedzero
    Feb 29, 2012 @ 18:40:29

    the best Valentine is yet to come dear……


  2. TheFirstWriter
    Feb 29, 2012 @ 23:02:10

    :/ I wish I could say I shared even similar valentines days as you have, they give light to what you’re character is. I’ve always spent Valentine’s Day alone, though technically I’ve only dated within a year and have postponed it until some point in the future. It sounds like you are good hearted which is great 🙂 I hope you find that someone special that makes you feel as happy or perhaps beyond as any of these people have.


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