Back When I was Straight

“I mean, back when I was straight I was feeling much better about my life. I don’t honestly know what am I doing in this atmosphere; I think I wanna go back to being straight again…”
I dunno what to tell ya, my dear reader, I honestly have no idea how to response to such comments by gay Syrian people who mostly believe that they can simply change sexual orientation the same way they change flamboyant t-shirts in gay parties.
Also, I honestly can’t figure out what is this “straight phrase” they all talking about! I’ve never been longing to see the bra of my female English teacher in high school; I didn’t feel the need to go running after some school girl trying to get her phone number, I honestly never called a girl late at night and played her romantic songs (oh. My. God. Even my straight scenarios are super gay) and I can honestly say that I’ve never kissed a girl. Oh, wait a minute, I did actually kiss a girl once! But she was a fag hag who me and other gay friends got with us to go to a New Years’ gay party in a private villa in Egypt. I did kiss her, but that was right after I kissed Mr. Stupid-With-Amazing-Six-Packs and right before I kissed Mr. Cute-Face-Tight-Butt; whom I had a threesome with both that very night. (Oh, the memories)

Along comes Saif; a semi-fat babyface boy in his late twenties; he is the “daughter” of my best friend. You see, to be part of the gay community in Syria you need to be part of one of the fictional families in it. Each older gay man, especially flamboyant ones, has a group of younger gay people who they call their daughters. The daughters call the mother endearing mother names like Yamo (oh, mother in Syrian Arabic) or the likes.
Also, some gay men, like myself, refuse to be referred to using female names (I mean, I’m a gay man interested in other gay men. No offence, my feminist readers. I just wanna keep my gender identity intact). Due to that, there are also sons. So, I have a gay man who announces himself as my mother (despite my wishes otherwise) and now I’m part of their family (some family in another city in Syria who I hate all of its members and find them extremely vulgar) and also I’m a brother to my best friend.

The-Gay-Pride-parade-in-B-007

Naturally, that creates huge (and confusing) family trees in the community. I’m, for example, the son of someone who is the sister of my best friend (AKA my brother). So, my “mother” is also my aunt and my brother is my uncle. Confused? So I am.

Back to Saif, who I ended up being his uncle for no apparent reason. Saif went to Al-Hajj six months ago and came back with a renewal sense of religious thinking. That lead him to decide going back to being straight.
“I mean, it’s going to be easy, I’m bisexual rather than gay, I can be straight again,” he says while I listened absent-mindedly. Oh, how I hate how lots of confused gay guys go straight by using the ultimate joke: I’m not gay, I was just bisexual who got used on being gay. I mean, of course there are bisexual people. I believe in the Dr. Kinsey scale and all that. But I’m sure people don’t just yo-yo up and down Kinsey scale as they please.
Saif hadn’t had sexual relations with anyone for the last six months. However, “I jerk off,” he says, “rather a lot” to gay porn; as I came to understand when he showed me how amazing the video quality on his phone by playing a gay porn video (out of many stored on the phone) to me.

Faris is another example. Rumour has it that Faris, who works in a shop downstairs from my apartment, is a boy for rent. He has been in the scene for almost ten years. However, he refuses to call himself gay. “I’m not gay,” he points out in a gay party that we both attended (separately, thankfully), “I just sleep with men until I can get married.” He actually gave his own brother lessons in prostitution and they sometimes work as a team together (ew?).
The brother, who I won’t even bother faking a name for him, explained in the same party that he “had multiple sexual encounters with men before,” but he doesn’t understand how we handle being the giving party in oral sex. He doesn’t kiss his client or please him in any way other than allowing the client to give him oral sex and receive from him anal sex.
In that same party, Firas announced, finally, that he is getting engaged; which everyone congratulated him for awkwardly: and by the end of the night Firas was dancing with an older man in the corner and they left the party together to an unknown destination.

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