Damascus, I think we’ve got a problem

There is something seriously wrong with the mental status of gay people in Syria. I don’t want to look like I’m generalizing, but by God, there is something wrong with these people. Is it a joined mental disorder? a need to turn everyone’s lives around them to a living hell? is it a “narcissist personality disorder with the sense of entitlement and rage attacks,” as my European friend puts it? I honestly don’t know.

I mean, hear me out, over the last year in Damascus, I faced so much drama that I cannot be solely blamed for. Yesterday, a guy who I dated for two months, then kicked out when I discovered that he is cheating on me, stealing my money and even stealing condoms from my own drawer to sleep around, he shows up to my doorsteps; I open the door unaware of his presence and he jumps into the house.

When I try to push him out, he started beating me up and crashing everything he sees in front of him; the glass tables, the TV screen, the laptop, the small music recorder. Anything that he sees, he is crashing. It was a seriously scary mess that I witnessed while shaking.

I’m far more stronger than he is; I could cause a serious deal of harm to him. But, you shouldn’t be afraid of a strong and wise man, you should be afraid of a weak and crazed man. He was throwing stuff around, and honestly, I was scared he will kill me.

Two hours later, and after the landlord kicked us both out of the house (so, yes, now I’m homeless and sleeping on the floor of my father – the homophobe – house). My ex calls me asking me why would I treat someone that loves me that much in such a bad way. He started saying that it was my fault he destroyed my house, as I caused him to be angry when I refused to talk to him.

He is the same guy that I talked about in this post, who almost killed me in our last fight throwing a bottle of whisky in the air towards my head.

He is, strangely, not the only person with mental disorders I met in Syria.

The first guy I dated here stole my stuff and called my father and told him that I raped him. the second one is this guy. My friend’s ex commited suicide in my friend’s house and we had to rush him to the hospital, my other friend’s ex punched a window with his arms until it broke and cause him a trip to the hospital. Someone I know got his passport burned down as a revenge act from someone he dated for two weeks then left him. My passport was stolen by a guy I dated. There is something wrong with this country’s gay people. I just don’t know what it is.

I’m scared now; scared of ever leaving the house and going anywhere. I know his threats are just a way to bring my attention to him and the best way to deal with them is ignoring him; but this is insane. It’s an insane situation that I cannot believe I’m stuck in it. I’m not totally sure what to do anymore.

So, I’m leaving.

I decided this today, I’m going to pack my stuff, get on a car and head to Beirut, Cairo, Istanbul, anywhere but here really.

I’m scared; and I’m leaving.


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