She Lost Her

Anybody ever tell you that you’ve got nerve, treatin’ my love like just another word. Tired of giving love to you that you don’t deserve, so, this is one way of saying it’s over.

‘Cause I got nothing left! I got nothing left! I gave you my best! And you treated it worthless, so I got nothing left!

Celine Dion – I Got Nothing Left 

As if a sword is stuck deep in your waist, you feel the pain. I know it, my love, I do. I understand the pain, the agony, the torture. Your last conversations is playing over and over in your head like a broken record. You are feeling blinded, as if she managed to destroy the core of your self-confidence; as if you were gone with the wind, not like a cliche in a movie, but literally, picked up like a helpless piece of paper, and forced to travel through storms and tornadoes for 49 days. 

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The problem is: The hurricane is still on its way.

She will try to get your attention; she will try to play the same tricks on you once more, and when she fails, and she will fail, she will try new ones, she will try to be sorry, she will try to get your empathy, and when that fails too, she will try to pull your strings; she will try to ruin your life. That won’t stop. It will never stop. She is mentally sick that way, the only way for you to live up your life is to stop her from reaching you. 

Take Ahmed, that ex-boyfriend I had in Damascus over two years ago, our relationship lasted for what? four months? He is still trying to ruin my mood with phone calls to my friends. He remembers how good I was to him, and he wants to ruin me, to make me a bad person, just like him, so he can go on in his life without feeling guilt about his past mistakes; and if he has a button that, if pushed, will ruin everything in my life; he won’t think twice before pushing it. 

She is, also, like that, but kinda much worse, she knows that good pure souls like you are hard to find; and if she can’t have you, no one can. If she can’t keep you in her spiderweb, where your very soul will be rotten, then she will try to poison you, in each and every way possible. 

Save yourself, my love, wake up to the reality of things; don’t let her. I’m worried about you. I love you. I can’t stand looking over the turn of events without warning you. 

I know it hurts. God knows it hurts. But it will hurt more when you will lose your righteous chance to be who you’re suppose to be, because of an insane person trying to ruin you. 

She was in a hospital? Oh, I can’t tell you how many times I witnessed this very trick, my love. So many crazy people tried it on me, and even tried it on my friends. I assure you, my baby, that this whole fake act, which is really disgusting for me, is to get the attention her twisted, crazy head is asking for. 

Baby girl, you’re beautiful the way you’re: so end her. End her very existence inside of your head; deal with it as if she does not live anymore; as if it never actually happened. Because, honestly, it didn’t. She was a projection of what you really wanted from love; and now she is turning into this monster that will eat your very soul. End her in your head, and that shallow, unworthy, unimportant, insignificant, sick, unappreciative woman who was mistaken you for an easy target to fulfill her fantasies, will disappear. She won’t have the power to challenge your emotions anymore; she won’t have the power to hurt you anymore. 

Our emotions are ours to protect, and for other people to deserve.

I love you, Jay.

—— 

Dedicated to Jay, the woman of my dreams.

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